May. May where should I start?
May 1st was my grandmas 15th anniversary and I really don’t like to be alone on that day but this time none of my friends had time. But I was fine because I still had Aoi and Fluffy and my anime and mangas which are awesome to take your mind off of something.
May 4th, no May 3rd I have to begin there. Aoi has been breathing heavily for a while and had gotten thin. Even thou I did mention it to the vet before the vet didn’t think of anything because she was still eating and everything. But that day I had her on my arms and I was shocked when I saw her front teeth! You know Bunny teeth are white and strong-looking when they are healthy but Aois where yellowish and week looking like they would break the moment she tried to eat something.
I panicked and also my gut was telling me she’s not gonna make it there ain’t no way. I tried to calm myself with the help of my friends but it didn’t really worked. In the middle of the night I tried to make her eat a little bit or at least make her drink because she was dehydrated.
At some point I did fall a sleep but the moment I woke up the next morning I went to look for Aoi. I was relieved to see that she was still alive. Also I did go to work that day and I was a wrack. The vet from my friend opened at 10 a.m. so I left work earlier to go to the vet. I called them upfront to tell them that it was an emergency.
As I went home from work all I could think of was “Please be alive.” and she was. I was so relieved that I cried a little but I didn’t have time for it so I took Aoi and Fluffy and was off.
At the Vet they started to take my contact information’s and so on. After waiting a little bit I could go in and honestly I felt so helpless and thought so many times I would go crazy with worrying and still tried to calm myself with “Everything is gonna be fine.” well knowing it would. Hope dies last right?
The vet told me it wasn’t looking good… things I knew but wouldn’t want to become reality. They checked her up and she was full with water. In her lungs and her stomach so the vet concluded that she had cancer because water storage inside the body is one of the side-effect.
It drives me insane knowing that she wanted to live but her body completely gave out on her. Betrayed her will. After taking her X-ray she went into her death fight at that moment I told the vet to out her to rest. I don’t ever wanted her to suffer or anything like that so I kinda happy she held up until I able to do so.
I know that is life. You’re born. You live. You die. But is was too early for her. A little longer and she would have celebrated her 4th Birthday. Thinking and writing this makes me cry so bad. Here I thought I was able to handle it better than last time but it’s not that easy isn’t it?
Aoi Butterfly went to rest on May 4th, 2018 around 11.30 a.m. I miss her deeply and I want to cuddle her so bad and see her jump around, so bad… But no matter how I wish for it. It’s not gonna happen.
Whenever I tell others I just simply say it without thinking much about it because I know I would start crying like crazy just like I do right now…
Yamashita Rin 
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